The road to Hell is paved with work in progress.

Artifical Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

I think the worse time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades... or a game of 'Fake Heart-Attack'.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

A)You just broke several of the laws of physics.
B)Well they're more like guidelines than actual rules.

When I die I want to be 97 in my beachhouse in Maui, and I want my boyfriend to be so devastated he has to drop out of college.

Some people are like a Slinky; they aren't good for anything, but the make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

Sex is like Bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I wish my lawn were as emo as you, then it would cut itself.

How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they prefer to sit in the dark and mope.

I dream of a better tomorrow. A world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it.

Everyone hears voices sometimes. It's called THINKING!

I'm gifted... I just don't know what with.

Sorry I'm late. I was on the road when inspiration hit and I had to stay around for the accident report.

I once played poker with a set of tarot cards, I got a full house and four people died.

...and people say I'm random, salad!

Just tell me, I promise you I won't think any less of you... coincidentally I won't think any more of you either, but the point still stands.

Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 1: You can have coffee in front of your parents.

Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 2: You can have great coffee with your sister.

Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 3: You can have coffee with your entire neighbourhood without being called a sick cult.

Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 4: You don't have to be 18 to drink coffee.

Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 5: There is no moral or ethical dilemma in paying for coffee.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off for maintenance, sorry for the inconvenience.

A)A little culture never hurt anybody.
B)What about Abraham Lincoln?

I'd like to announce to everyone that I have found God. He was hiding behind the sofa.

Fight apathy, or don't.

Abortion is murder! Yeah? Try having kids.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Eventually I realized God doesn't work like that, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

Love is blind, friendship just closes it's eyes.

Ambivalent? Well yes and no.

A sword without an edge? What's the point?

W.I.C.K.E.D. (Wish I Could Kill Every Day)

M.A.T.H.S. (Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students)

Geometry is for squares.

In the beginning God said "Let there be light" and there was light. There was still nothing there but you could see it a whole lot better.

Procrastination isn't the problem it's the solution: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Go to bed in your fireplace, you'll sleep like a log.

The only thing that scares me more than the idea of space aliens is the idea of there being no space aliens. Because if we're the best Creation has to offer...

The Force is like duct tape: it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the Universe together.

Murderer? That's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a mortality technician.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too.

Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer!

A)Drinking isn't the answer.
B)That depends on the question doesn't it.

You're so gay your middle name is 'fabulous'.

Why should I pay flat tax? I'm not a supermodel and I live in a house!

I can barely lift a tune, let alone carry it anywhere!

The glass is neither half full nor half empty, but simply twice as big as it needs to be.

A)That's so gay!
B)Elton John gay or George Bush gay?
A)John Bush gay!

The difference between an artist and a crazy person is that the artist has a two-way ticket.

Mums are like buttons, they hold things together.

Alcoholic Mums are like buttons, you find them on the floor.

A girl walks up to a barman, and asks for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

What's another word for thesaurus?

If a cow laughs does milk come out its nose?

A)Everything I've told you is true.
B)Even the lies?
A)Especially the lies!

If a tree falls on a mime and no-one's around, does it make a sound?

Girls are like squaring numbers, if they're under 16 do them in your head.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Fish.

My manic depressive friend was recently attacked by a bipolar bear.

Unfortunately for agoraphobics the cure is just around the corner.

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, but you know what they say...

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.... We'll see about that.

Atheism. A non-prophet organisation.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but fuck it I'm with BUPA.

If Where's Waldo and Carmen Sandeago had a kid, how hard would he be to find?

Don't hit kids. No seriously, they have guns now!

Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.

If you rape a prostitute is it rape, or just theft?

I was going to attend the Clairvoyants Meeting but it was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Chemists do it on the table. Periodically.

The only thing to fear is fear itself... and spiders.

Paranoia, a word with too many vowels to be trusted.

Do we really need a new moon every 29 days? Can't we just recycle the old one?

If you're going to have safe sex make sure you know the combination.

Casual sex may be dangerous but formal sex requires a three-piece condom.

Keep your friends close and your enemies in the basement.

When you milk it for all it's worth, don't forget to refrigerate.

If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.

To err is human, to totally fuck the sentence up is predictive text.

Do the ground rules still apply when you're on the second floor?

Money is not the key to happiness, but with enough money you can pay to have a key made.

Love means perpetually having to say you're sorry.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But so was yesterday, and look how you messed that up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, yeah.

Life's not too busy at the moment, just school to contend with really; but things are gonna get WAY hectic round May/June time where I'm gonna be cramming like crazy for my exams so 'til them I'm gonna try to finish 'The Sight' which is proving difficult now that it has to contend with Glee plot bunnies, the fact that I'm again writing notes for the epicly long Buffy fanfic I started notes on last summer and the temptation to just watch Psych episodes. ... Oh and School. Yeah, School.

See ya, ^.^